Stephen began by acknowledging that finances are the #1 reason why marriages fail.
His story was a little different, he found his wife was “cavorting” behind his back. She had struck up a relationship with an old boyfriend in the midst of their marriage.
He is part of the 5% of fathers that are awarded full-custody of their children in divorce hearings.
Stephen cautions us that different spending and savings styles in a partnership can cause conflict. He shared two examples that caused conflict in his marriage.
Soon after they said “I do”, he learned about a $20,000 loan that his wife’s father had taken out in her name for her education.
This wasn't intentional, she had forgotten about the loan. Nonetheless, paying back this loan led to tight cashflow for their young family.
The second example happened three years into their marriage when their first son was beginning to walk.
There was a large crack across their driveway and although having it repaired was a high priority for Stephen recognized that the family did not have thousands of dollars to make the repair immediately.
He needed time to find the best value contractor and to save for the repair.
Delaying the repair did not sit well with his ex. She did not understand why it couldn't happen immediately, citing the crack as a hazard for their young child.
Immediate gratification had led her family members into bankruptcy on three separate occasions.
After their divorce, she too ended up filing for bankruptcy.
Stephen’s bid to delay the repair was a foreign concept, leading to a year of quarreling until the right contractor and savings could be aligned. A source of stress he recalls decades later.
He was the bread winner in the family, by his recollection, earning 90% of the income for the household. His ex-wife had a separate account that she deposited checks from part time work into.
This arrangement worked for them. Stephen reimbursed his wife for various normal expenses throughout the marriage.
Stephen shares that as the 90% bread winner for the family he felt pressure not only to take on additional work when available but to limit his time off and to avoid terminating jobs that weren't a good fit for him.
